As a Black Mother and Wife, Here are a Few Things I Wish You Knew…

We are the Wilsons.  William, Kie, Eli, and Ezra.  William (whom I affectionately call Wilson) and I have lived in Indiana for 10 years, and more specifically have lived in Zionsville for the past 7 years.  We are both originally from South Carolina and relocated to Indiana with Wilson’s job.  As a black mother and wife, here are a few things I wish you knew…

I worry about my black husband. 

My husband and I both work at Lilly, so we used to carpool every day, dropping our kids off at their schools along the way.  Wilson’s job is essential, so he has continued to drive downtown for work every day.  I have been working from home since March.  I used to joke that I loved carpooling with Wilson because I get to take a nap in the car on the way to work.  But what you may not realize is that one of the reasons we do this is for an added layer of safety.  And the unrealistic assumption that if my children and I are with my husband and he happens to get pulled over by police, that he would be considered less of a threat than if he were alone in the car.  This is a reality that probably wouldn’t cross your mind.  This is our reality.

I worry about my black sons.

Before we even had children, Wilson and I made the decision to build a home in Zionsville so any children we might have would have access to the best education.  I grew up in predominately white schools and attended a predominately white college.  I know the importance of education.  Even with a good education, I know that in order to succeed, my sons will have to work twice as hard to have the same opportunities as their peers.  Our oldest son is only 6.  And we have already begun to have “The Talk” with him.  Is it sad that we have to do this?  Yes.  However, it is our responsibility as black parents to prepare him for a world that will see and judge his skin color before they get to know how smart he is, before they hear his infectious laugh, before they see the dimple in his right cheek.  This is a reality that probably wouldn’t cross your mind.  This is our reality.

Wilson and I both grew up in the United Methodist Church.  Unfortunately, churches continue to be one of the most segregated places in our society.  However, we made the conscious decision to attend ZUMC because we want our children to know that the world is not a segregated place and that they will grow up in a world where they will go to school, work, and live with many different people- some who look like them and some who don’t. 

Please do not teach your children to be “color blind”.  Teaching them to “not see color” is denying that systemic racism still exists.  And that there are differences to how my children are/will be treated because of the color of their skin.  Teach your children to understand and appreciate differences, so they can be an ally.  So they know we are all created in God’s image- no matter what skin we are in.  This is our reality.

Kie Wilson